


I can't do this

by charliepower



Series: Coldflash from four words [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:01:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliepower/pseuds/charliepower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shocking revelation has Barry asking Len not to do the next heist he's planning, and Len is pretty sure their entire relationship is at risk if he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this as much as I did writing it xx
> 
> come visit me on tumblr:  
> perilofachopshop

"I can't do this"

Leonard Snart looked up from the plans on his table, not even having realised that his boyfriend had come home. It wasn't something that he was proud of but when you get so used to some one being around their presence starts to become less of a thing for your body to be aware of.

"Can't do what?" Len frowns, unsure as to what Barry is on about, "If you're on about the heist I can wait a few weeks, or ..."

"No Snart" Len winced, Barry only ever called him that when he was really annoyed about something. "This, I can't do this anymore. Coming home to you being the one I love, only to get a call from Cisco that the criminal Captain Cold is robbing some poor museum the next day"

"Poor ... museum" 

Barry sighed, "you know what I mean Len"

"Look Scarlet we've had a perfectly good agreement going these last ten months whats happened?" Just yesterday the two had been talking about telling their loved one's so Len wasn't really sure where this was coming from.

"I'll tell you what's happened" Barry snapped, tears forming in his eyes, "What's happened is that Cisco was just telling me today about how the court has decided that next time Captain Cold and his little band of rogues get caught they're going to be put in the meta human wing at the prison. Do you know what that means Len? It mean's you won't escape ... I won't be able to break you out and you won't come home to me."

"Barry -" Len started to say, not realising how much this would affect him.

"No I don't want to hear it Len. I need you to stop this. It was fun at first but now it's not now it's serious and you need to realise this. God I was so naive to think that we could keep this game up"

By this point Barry was sobbing and Len didn't even know what to say.

"I just, I don't want to not be able to see you all of the time. I'm already having to keep you hidden from some of the people I love most because of what you get up to and that was a sacrifice I was willing to make at first but Len, God, Len I was planning on spending the rest of my life with you."

"Was?" Len managed to choke out and Barry let out another sob.

"How am I meant to be with you forever if I can't even tell people about us. How can I - how can I marry you some day if people only know you as a villain, one that kidnapped Cisco and Caitlin, one that tortured Cisco's brother, and sure I forgive you Len but if you continue I'm so afraid that they wont. If you continue people at the CCPD couldn't even know I was married because you'd be arrested on site if you ever tried to meet me after work."

"And what exactly would you have me do Barry?" Len asks but he already knows whats coming.

"Len all I'm asking is for you, the man that I love, to be the hero that I know you are"

"I'm not. A hero" Len snarls back. "The sooner you realise that the better kid" 

The nickname made Barry wince and Len realised that it wasn't fair of him to switch to his Captain Cold mode at a time like this.

"Len, for us, I'm begging you, please don't do this heist." Barry gives one last look at Len before heading out of the door.

As for Leonard, there wasn't enough in his apartment to break.

 

***BONUS***

When Cisco received the alert about Captain Cold's heist on a bank three days later there was no witty banter passed between Snart and The Flash, no puns and there was no great fight between them that people had grown to love. Instead The Flash arrived and within a matter of seconds Leonard Snart was found in the entrance of the CCPD with handcuffs already around his wrists and no cold gun in sight. Nobody could understand why Captain Cold started to cry after all these years of nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this but where else was this prompt going to go if we're being honest. And I just read a really angsty fic so I felt like I had to project my pain.
> 
> I might end up doing another chapter for this if I have time because I have a few ideas but it's not going to be a long thing, literally at most another 1 or 2 chapters.  
> Maybe, if it's wanted.


	2. Lisa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote about a thousand words and realised I hated it  
> Buuut I did it again and hopefully better than the first draft.

 

Day One

Len realises that his internal clock must have stopped working when a whole day passes without him even realising it.

 

Day Two

He tries not to miss Barry.  _His_ Barry.

 

Day Seven

Len punches the wall of his cell until his knuckles bleed. This was all Barry  _fucking_ Allen's fault.

 

Day Eight

Len tried to hate Barry, but how can you hate someone that loved you so much. Hate someone that made you realise love wasn't a weakness.

 

Day Nine

They ask Cold to attend the group therapy. 

All the metas do there is either complain about the Flash or tell them how much they owe him for correcting their ways.

When it gets to Snart he passes.

 

Day Fifteen

Snart finally speaks up at the group sessions when they're talking about him and the Flash.

"It was fun while it lasted" he simply says.

They ask him if he wants to say anymore but he just shakes his head and stares out the small window in the corner of the room.

 

 

Day Thirty

It was a month before anyone visited him.

Lisa was too angry.

Mick couldn't.

And Barry ... well Barry was the reason he was here. 

Not the literal reason, Snart wasn't talking about the fact that it had been Barry that had dropped him off to the CCPD, no. Snart was on about the fact that if he hadn't decided to screw over their relationship then he'd still be out there, probably watching some shitty documentary about big foot.

Len smiled to himself at the memory that came to mind

_"It's not just fiction Len" Barry laughed, and it was such a beautiful sound that Len was left almost speechless._

_"Sure Scarlet" Len raised an eyebrow at him which caused a pillow to be hit over his head._

_"I'm serious!" Barry laughed again_

_"Okay next time you see him tell him I said hi" Len starts to flick through the different shows on Barry's watch list. Ohh the Loch Ness Monster._

_Clicking on it Barry stared at him in disbelief, "Seriously? Seeeriously? You can believe in the Loch Ness Monster but big foot is too much??"_

_Len just shrugged, pressed play and pulled Barry closer._

 

That had been thirty-seven days ago and oh how things could change.

 

"I'm sorry am I interrupting a trip down memory lane?" The person the other side of the glass snaps, "shall I go, you're clearly very busy doing ... oh thats right. Nothing"

Len sighs at his sister, "Sorry, I was just thinking about Barry"

Lisa's face threatens to soften before the anger covers it completely, "Oh  _get over yourself_ Len," she hisses, "This was your choice, Barry told you what would happen. You think this is hard for  _you?_ Think about Barry, Barry was the one that had to put you here.  _He_ was the one that had to realise the love of his life, and  _I quote_ "soulmate" decided that being a criminal was more important than he was."

Len just stared at her and this time her face really did lose some of the hardness, "What were you thinking Lenny?"

Len opens his mouth to answer but can't find the words.

"God you wasn't was you. Look I know you think you ruin everything but you only do that when you do stupid  _shit_ like this." Lisa sighed, "I get you was worried about Barry's future okay but he's a grown ass man and it's patronising of you to think you get to make choices about his future without him agreeing to it first."

"Lisa what have I done?" Len whispers and Lisa can't do anything but stare at the broken man in front of her.

"You've fucked up, that's what you've done Len."

"He's never going to forgive me Lise," Len choked out and Lisa laughed.

"Oh Lenny, he already has, and that's the saddest part."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My love for Lisa Snart is 100% real.  
> One more chapter for this.


	3. I can do this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa isn't impressed and Len get's an unexpected visitor.

It was two months before Cold got another visit from anyone and once again it was his sister.

"Barry isn't coming" She snapped after a few moments of silence, "Just in case you were wondering"

Snart just sighs, "I wasn't. I don't expect him to"

"Oh don't feel so sorry for yourself Lenny, he isn't coming because I'm not letting him"

"What do you  _mean_ you're not  _letting him_ " Len all but growls and Lisa just laughs.

"Oh please, as if I'm going to let him come running in here just to see you looking like this so that he can go home and beat himself up about it. No, that's not happening. It's 14 months Len, you're lucky that they only had that one heist on you, I'm sure that you can go that long without ruining Barry's life anymore.""

Before Snart can say anything in return Lisa cuts in, "Oh and you can cut the Captain Cold crap with me, 'Leonard Snart' isn't reserved for Barry alone. The sooner you realise that the better.

You think this shit happened because it was doomed to? It wasn't okay? It's happening because you can't stand to allow yourself to  _be yourself_ around other people and it's going to kill you Lenny. You walk round here being known as Captain Cold but to the people that matter to you ... you have to stop that. You're in this shit because you started to become Cold to the ones you loved. It consumed you and you couldn't see past it.

Until you stop that, until I see - " Lisa's voice catches for a minute and she frowns with her eyes closed, angry with herself. "Until I can see that I have my  _brother_ back, he's not coming in here do you understand?"

She puts the phone down and the guards take Captain Cold back to his cell.

 

∞∞∞

 

Two months later Lisa is back again and this time Leonard starts the conversation.

"Hi Lees" He says, almost shyly as if he isn't sure how she's going to respond.

Lisa stares at him for a few minutes before sighing, "Hi Lenny, how you doing?"

He just snortes, as good as meta human prison can be. When Marden had first been caught he had spent a whole week with a strained face trying to access his powers. Man looked like he was about to shit himself.

It also came with the problem of those who had only been feared because of their powers trying to prove themselves. When Bivolo (the Rainbow Raider Lisa corrected having clearly spent too much time around Cisco) had first arrived a few days ago he had tried to start a fight that didn't end well. It didn't end well because he had tried to start his fight with Captain Cold, a man he knew was feared despite his lack of powers. Sure Cold had a black eye but that's what happens when you're asleep and your cell mate decides to come at you in the middle of the night. 

Being the third fight in two days the prison decided to give each person a cell to themselves, it wasn't like there were that many of them either. It also wasn't likely that Bivolo would be bothering him anytime soon.

Len finally gets the courage to ask the only thing he cared about since sitting down, catching Lisa up was just to keep her pleased. 

"How's Barry"

"Barry is fine," When her brother raises an eyebrow Lisa continues, "Look Barry is as good as it's going to get. He went back to work after the last time I visited but it was only to keep us all happy and -" Lisa hesitates, clearly not sure whether to say something on not before deciding to hell with it, "and he went on a date yesterday"

Cold feels his heart tighten. 

"It wasn't his idea if it makes you feel any better. Joe made him go and of course Barry went because it would keep everyone happy. He does nothing for himself anymore Lenny, I doubt he'd even eat if we didn't remind him to."

Her face suddenly goes angry, "Not that you have any reason to get upset by that, let's not forget who's fault this is"

"I haven't forgot Lisa" Snart snaps.

 

∞∞∞

His eleventh month in prison is just around the corner when Leonard Snart gets the shock of his life.

Since his sisters last visit he'd refused to see her. He knew it would hurt her but he couldn't stand her visits, finding out how broken Barry was, having her constantly remind him it was his fault and  _damn it_ if he didn't know that already. He did.

He'd been put in isolation 39 days ago when someone said that the only thing getting him through prison was the thought of beating The Flash to death. Before the leader of the group had been able to tell him to try and 'change his attitude' or 'focus on the positives of the flash', he'd started his vivid explanation of how he was going to do it and Len had dived across the room aiming for his throat. He was pretty sure that the guards tasers were up higher than they are in the normal prison.

After that Len suspected that some of the inmates knew his relationship with the Flash was more than he'd let on but they were all too smart to comment on it.

 

So when Len had realised that tomorrow marked his eleventh month at the prison the last thing he expected was to be told one  _Barry Allen_ was waiting to see him. Len had never felt panic like that in his life. He hurt almost as much as the night he had been flashed to the CCPD.

Sitting across from Barry now Len's mouth was dry and he couldn't think of any thing to say.

"I -" Len starts and the next word gets stuck in his throat so he tries to swallow. Taking a deep breath he starts again, "I'm so sorry Barry"

Barry winces and stares at Len, "You know for the first month I thought that maybe I had been wrong, maybe there wasn't any good in you after all Len," Len winces and tries to steady his breathing,

"That was the worst part of it, not the guilt, not how much missing you hurt. It was me doubting you, doubting everything I'd ever told people about you.

Cisco knew. I never told you but a few months into it, when you pulled a heist by yourself it was just me and Cisco around that day because Caitlin was sick. I'd forgot to turn the comms off on my end and Cisco heard us talking about what we were going to have for dinner," Barry laughs at the memory, "he was so mad,  _so mad_ at me when I got back but it wasn't for the reasons I thought he would be

You see I thought he'd be mad that I was with you after you strapped a bomb to Caitlin, because you had tortured his brother or because you betrayed us, but that wasn't it. He was mad because he was scared for me. Do you know what he screamed at me, god I've never seen him so angry, he screamed  _"how could you be so stupid?"._ He was convinced that you were just using me, and I was an hour late home that night because I spent it trying to convince him that you were actually a good person. 

He only told me that he really believed you cared for me a week before you were arrested because he'd seen us on a date on the other side of town. He'd decided to follow us because he thought you were going to hurt me, it was stupid and dangerous of him because of where we were but he did it anyway. That's how  _scared_ he was for me Len.

And then a week later I thought you had proved him right and it hurt so god damn much. But Cisco didn't even say I told you so he just held me when I arrived back at Star Labs and collapsed on the floor. Caitlin must have figured it out as well at some point down the line because she didn't even ask what was wrong she just came over and joined Cisco, whispering to me that " _he'll forgive you Barry",_ and  _"I know you loved him but it'll be okay"._ "

By this point neither man even tried to hide the tears falling down their face and Barry breathes in a shaky breath.

"Lisa's been golden as well" Barry laughs at the pun but it isn't a happy one, "She arrived an hour after your arrest and wasn't even angry at me, I think she gave up on you a bit then as well and I couldn't tell her otherwise.

Joe was mad when I told him and so was Iris, hell even Eddie was and you know what he's like. But in the end of it, the common theme was that they were all so worried about me, telling me that I was lucky I didn't get hurt, that I handed you in before you had the chance to hurt - to kill - me.

I forgave you the next month and was going to visit but Lisa wouldn't let me. I spent the entire month convincing everyone that you were good, I tried to explain why you did it but even I didn't really understand.

After Lisa visited she told me that you were an idiot as usual and ruined it because you saw that ending as inevitable." Barry sucks in another deep, painful breath, "Is that true Len, did you really not even see us as something to fight for? Did you not - "

"Of course" Len says quickly, "Y-you have to understand Barry, you have to understand that nothing ever goes right for me, you have to -"

" _No Len,_ I do not  _have_ to do anything" Barry snaps, "You know I even went on some crappy date just to make Joe happy?"

"Lisa told me" Len mutters and Barry shakes his head.

"It was awful and I left early, I bet she didn't tell you that. All I could think about was you.

I missed you ... I  _miss you_ more than I should Leonard Snart, and as much as you don't deserve it I love you so much"

"Oh God Barry, what have I done?" Len sobs down the phone.

 

∞∞∞

 

Leonard Snart is released three months later and when he steps out of prison there is a man standing there for him.

Barry had been visiting Len at every chance he had and the two men had talked over everything. Barry had made it deadly clear that if Len didn't change, no matter how much it hurt Barry, Len would be out of his life for good and Len had been fine with that.

Barry had repeatedly told Len how stupid he had been, but it had gone from a comment with a painful weight behind it, to something Barry would say with a smile on his face and love in his words.

Both Barry and Len knew that they would have to work on how many negative feelings Len had in relation to himself but they knew that they could do it together.

Reaching out Barry smiled at the older man as Len took his hand.

Pulling him closer Len wraps his arms around Barry just wanting to hold him, having dreamed about this moment for the last fourteen months and in that moment he realised that this was something he wouldn't give up for anything, for  _anyone_.

Walking to the car with Barry's hand in his Len stares at the man he loves with only one thought running through his mind:

_I can do this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I hope you liked this.
> 
> At one point, I'm not going to lie I did consider being really super evil and end it with Barry telling Len goodbye but then it hurt too much for me to write so I decided against it aha.
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos / bookmark and subscribe to me or whatever (if you want),
> 
> Charlie Power xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for this but where else was this prompt going to go if we're being honest. And I just read a really angsty fic so I felt like I had to project my pain.


End file.
